Happy Effing Halloween (profanity involved)
Sunday, October 31, 2010 at 10:04PM 
This is Stephen. He is a person whose legs don't work. But he loves 'Transformers', the colors green and pink, and wants to be a movie director when he grows up. He beat cancer inside his spinal cord (a few times), so he'll probably be a kickass director someday. Or whatever else he chooses to be. Don't treat him sub-human to make yourself feel more comfortable when you see him. Thanks.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT -
For all those who feel a little bit uncomfortable when you see someone in a wheelchair and don't want to stare: Just look at them and do whatever you'd do with someone else whose legs were making them move around. Don't avert your gaze, or be awkward, or try hard. Just treat them like a person. They are a person. Just like you. Nothing prepared them for a wheelchair -- just like nothing has prepared you for a wheelchair if you end up in one at 10 am tomorrow.
Don't be a condescending douchebag.
Bear with me. I'm still a little pissed about our Halloween trick or treating experience. Here's the deal: My kid's legs don't work (see right).
And here's the story, if you're in interested: My kids were having a great time, getting way too much candy, then third-to-last house on the route, the kids all said "trick or treat" (it took me years to get them to all say it when the person opens the door, then said "thank you" and / or "happy halloween" at some point), then my rosy-cheeked nine year-old son Stephen happily followed up with, "Trick or treat!" again -- because she didn't notice him, since he couldn't get to onto her porch because of his wheelchair. (Which, by the way, this is the first year he's had the new motorized one and I couldn't even keep up, such a difference, he can nearly go anywhere.)
But I was soon to find out this Halloween Candy-Giving Lady was one of those loud people. Someone who says everything especially loudly, so everyone within a quarter-mile radius hears how 'brilliant and profound' everything that comes out of her mouth is.
She gave candy to my eldest son PJ, and young daughter Abby (they both use their legs for mobility). Then walks over to Stephen (who is chatting jovially and dressed as a bandit cowboy, but sitting in a wheelchair), and says, "Wow. Way to make the best of a bad situation", nodding her head 'understandingly'.
I wanted to punch her in the face. Stephen is 9 years-old. He didn't understand what she meant, but in about a year or two he will -- and I don't want him to lose faith in humanity because of insensitive, ignorant, horrid people like this. ...Who does she think she is? Seriously?? He was already traumatized by a DUMBASS guy at O'Hare airport once saying, "Awww, how sad", while looking right at him.
But back to Halloween 2010. If I'd not had the faintly-mustered amount of discretion I had, I would've told that idiotic woman, "Yeah, we're making the best of the situation of being around a sensitivity-impaired candy-giver who can't censor herself for one fucking moment to have any amount of common decency in front of children. Do you think because his legs don't work his brain doesn't, you MORON?"
But I didn't.
I opted for a simple and teeth-gritted "Happy Halloween" and quick turnaround instead.
Yet don't think I haven't pointedly humiliated people before for similar offenses. I don't like being rude, but sometimes I will mess people up -- throw them off track from their well-meaning condescension. ...Like the guy on the DC platform who looked over at Stephen and told me 'Gawd' struck him with illness 'because America allows abortions'. I made sure he knew if he spoke one more word he'd be on the electrified tracks nearby.
But this particular dumabass woman was from the 'burbs. Where people think family values run through their bloodstream yet actually have no common decency in many situations. Still inexcusable if you ask me.
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Kim Mance is a travel and lifestyle writer with three kids. Two of them have special needs, but nothing prepared her for it -- just like the parking ticket that messed up your entire life that one time. She also travels the globe a lot for work but doesn't answer the question "How do you do that [as someone who has lady parts]?" with a straight face. Deal with it.
Reader Comments (7)
I understand................ I have a child in a wheel chair. People are usually well meaning but dumb. Stephen is adorable and can do anything he had a desire to do. Hope he got lots of treats!
Hi,
Great post all in all - and I totally get how frustrating this must have been.
Hope next Halloween is much better :-)
The sad thing is that "family values" in the burbs usually mean discriminatory and ignorant attitudes! Cos no bastard thinks that THEY discriminate against us do they. No....
This is a good blog by a crip http://www.ihatestairs.org/2008/07/10/disabled-people-are-funny-looking/. . Check out my blog at http://gleecrip.blogspot.com/ cheers Glee
Having worked with people with disabilities of all kinds, I have come to find that they have some very quick come back lines!! One lady I assisted had a prosthetic leg and as a joke, she put her leg into a plastic bag to go thru the searching machines at the airport and she tipped me the biggest cheekiest wink she could, the people handling her leg were very shocked to find a shoe attached to a leg and nearly died from the shock of it all, the lady and I laughed all the way through the airport! I have found people with disabilities are the most grounded and open people and I thoroughly enjoyed my job! To your kids, Happy Halloween all the way from England and I hope you enjoyed all your candy!! Your son is gorgeous, what lovely little face he has!
I once had a carer who had been with my daughter on a couple of occassion. I was not that keen on her - but gave her the benefit of the doubt until the third time she worked with my daughter. On this occassion I did not have to rush out and go to work as soon as she arrived so I spent some time talking to my daughter. She looked at me and said 'I didn't know she can talk?'. My daughters vocab is limited but she will answer yes or no when asked questions. I could not believe this person had not even bothered to try and seek her opinion - I told the agency I never wanted this carer in my home again - even if it meant missing work.
Wow. We had a similar experience with our son. Except it wasn't just one person. It was over a dozen people who wouldn't even give my son candy as he sat happily in his wheelchair dressed like a monkey. I wrote about it on my blog the day after Halloween. I'm still angry. People are sucktastic.
That's terrible. I also want to say that after seeing all you have done with TBEX etc, I cannot believe you have 3 kids! Way to go! It's one thing to travel the world, be a freelance travel writer and kick ass...it is another, and much more amazing thing, to do it with 3 children. Anyway, keep it up!
R