:: Balloon Religion

(Post copied over from my old blog--a primer on my thoughts about religion... Didn't bring over the comments. Feel free to disagree, just at least be funny.)

So in February my kids got a balloon while we were out somewhere, I don't remember where it was though. A week or so later, it was still alive and well.  Wow I thought, that's lasting a long time, and I took a picture of it for my daughter (she likes pictures of anything). This turned out to come in handy...

Then I went out of town for nearly two weeks and, of course, forgot about the balloon. When I got back home I was surprised however to notice that it was still up in the corner of my office floating near the ceiling. "Geez", I thought, "what kind of chemical are they using in those things these days?" I snapped another picture.

The next week, I snapped another shot of the -- still floating -- balloon. I started to wonder if perhaps this balloon was safe in the house. What kind of freakish chemical was keeping the balloon in the air??

The next week, I started to wonder if maybe it wasn't a chemical keeping the thing afloat. Could the balloon be divine? Was it a sign from a higher power? One telling me to have faith in the balloon. That the balloon knew what was best for me and, as an omnipotent being, needed my love and respect.

Hmmm, maybe I should rethink this religion thing. People are always wondering if I either worship a lamp in place of a god, or if I'm 'angry at god' for something. After all, there's no alternative to not believing in a god than either worshiping something else, or being angry at a fictitious character.

But this balloon, wow, it seemed to know the answers to the meaning of life with its mysteriousness and wonder. So unnatural, it must be supernatural.

Then when I thought it couldn't get any more miraculous... This happened.

All by itself it moved across the house from my office to my daughter's bedroom door.

And then -- it went under the door frame all the way into her room.

No, seriously. All by itself, it dipped under the door frame and into her room. We gazed in awe, and thankfully the boyfriend reminded me to grab the camera for the miraculous moment. Of course it was so exciting, I forgot to turn the date stamp back on. But don't worry about it. That's what faith is all about -- you believe in things you don't see.

Now, you may ask, was it simply air currents through the house and the balloon losing altitude that caused this seemingly miraculous event? Oh ye of little faith. I don't want to hear about your godless, liberal science agenda. Without the balloon, you couldn't have a moral compass anyway. Why can't you just accept that the balloon is trying to give you a sign that it sees your every need, knows your every thought, and wants you to live your life only to tell others of the balloon gospel message?

The balloon is here for you. Hold your wallet up to the balloon now and claim your right to be prosperous and free of illness. The balloon will solve all your problems. There's no reason to cling to reality.

Oh damn.

But I'm keeping the faith. Someday the balloon will come back and save me from all the day-to-day mundaneness of life and the chaotic, nearly unexplainable butterfly effect. Who cares about all that, when you have a savior. Maybe in 30-50 years, some people who want to make sure the balloon news gets spread far and wide, will re-write this story to be even more miraculous than it started out. Then for sure people would worship it, as of course they should. Anything mysterious should be worshiped...